1) Caring - and the personal investment - comes first.
This was the first piece of advice I was given, and it couldn’t be more true. A student needs to know you care before he/she is willing to listen to your vast mental library of knowledge and wisdom. You have to show up consistently, enthusiastically, and put yourself in the service of the people there.
There was one student who appeared to hate coming to the Bible study. Then one night she made a really bizarre joke about Pokemon. So I spent the next 10 minutes following her Pokemon tangent … while everyone else listened in a mixture of confusion and astonishment.
She brought friends to the next meeting.
2) Live it out in your own life.
Hypocrites can teach, but not the lessons they want.
3) Brother-teacher-friend.
The relationship between the students and the youth minister is a unique one. I’m not old enough to be a father figure (give it time), so for many I become and older brother. For some, especially those with strained relationships to their own siblings, or no older brothers, that relationship is the most important thing I can offer.
Still, as a youth minister you are there in a position of teaching authority. You have to be able to shush a crowd, call on raised hands, and give out correct answers. You’re a teacher – everyone expects you to be.
And… you’re a friend. You are a person for whom the guard can let down, a more casual style of acquaintance can be used. This is especially true after they graduate.
4) Share your family life.
One big way to accomplish #1-3 is to invite the kiddos into your family life. The students I work with have been in my house, played with my boys, and chatted with Kari.
This communicates, “Nothing is held back. This is not a hobby. I’m an open book.” And it gives a model for emulation... provided what they see is worth emulating. (See #2)
5) You don't know who is in the room with you.
The moment you make light of a situation, or say something sarcastic, or make some kind of joke, you risk offending someone in the room. Unless you have a super-duper relationship with everyone in the room, you have got to assume that someone will take offense. It will happen as assuredly as the sun rising.
Plus, because of how our popular culture has taught people to “reason” through these things, a single unintended offense given by an imperfect youth minister will be taken as proof-positive that God does not exist, Jesus did not rise from the dead, and the Christian faith is totally untrue. Because 100% of Christians are poopy-heads, without exceptions.
6) All student questions are important.
My rule is that there is only one stupid question. And that is, “Why do we say Jesus rose ‘again’ in the Nicene Creed” (with the asker thinking it means Jesus rose from the dead more than once). No student is allowed to ask that question because of its rank stupidity.
However, if a student has any other question – any! – that question is important and worthy of consideration by the group. And ultimately a very good answer should be given that satisfies him/her.
7) Study, study, study:
“I don’t know” is a valid answer to any question. Revealing your ignorance is far better than making up nonsense.
That said, after admitting ignorance on a subject, the next thing to do is hit the books. And then to not stop hitting the books because folks rely on you to know stuff.
8) Ask challenging questions before trying to explain everything.
Giving instruction is good, but it is far better to encourage critical thought. Every evening I like to see the group grapple with at least one tough question. Sometimes that means blank stares. That's OK. The important thing is to convey the fact that thinking through stuff is encouraged ... and answers do exist.
Sometimes I go as far as taking on the persona of an intellectual opponent and forcing them to argue against me. Most of these exercises end with me saying (like Morpheus from the Matrix), "Why did I beat you?"
9) Don't take attendance.
You're preparing kids for college, where no attendance is taken at all. They'll come if they want.
Haven't seen a kid for three weeks? Say, "It's great to see you! Thanks for coming tonight!"
In fact... I try to say that to everyone individually, every meeting. Because it is great to see them. And I am thankful.
10) In the end, it isn't up to you.
A person can get burnt out worrying about doing a perfect job. If you believe it is all up to you, you'll find yourself mentally reviewing every word from each evening, wondering how you might have done better. But ultimately this is God's job, I'm just the unqualified Irishman who shows up.
So if I find myself wondering if I'm doing a good enough job after a meeting... I pray for myself and pray for the kids. Then I tuck my boys in bed .... and sleep very soundly.
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