No Divorce? What About Abusive Marriages?

Dear Apologist, can a Catholic get divorced if her husband is abusive?  And what would her status in the Church afterward?


What God Has Joined…

Yes and no – here’s why.  Christian marriage is a sacramental covenant which involves a practical set of living arrangements.  Divorce is usually understood as dissolving or breaking the bond of marriage.  Now, when Jesus was asked about the possibility of divorce, He said the following:

"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her.  And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." – Mark 10:11

This statement reveals that even after a divorce has taken place, God still regards the marital bond as perpetually valid and binding.  It remains until one spouse is dead – no matter what terrible things either of those spouses may do.

So in that sense the answer is “no” – Christians cannot get divorced.   It is impossible.


No Way Out?

This sometimes invites the following objection:

 “Many people are trapped in abusive marriages!  Divorce is their only recourse to ensure their safety and the safety of their children.  Are you saying these people have to stick it out no matter what?”

This is one of these areas where one could search the New Testament for guidance and come up empty.   The issue is never brought up.  However, it’s not like the Church has never run across this scenario in her 2000 years.  There is both teaching and legislation on the matter.  The Catechism states:

“The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.” – CCC 2383

The Code of Canon Law also states:

"If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay." - CCL 1153

So while it is impossible to dissolve a Christian marriage in the eyes of God, the practical living arrangement can be ended.  This means the offended spouse can procure a legal divorce through the civil courts. 

Now, Canon Law also insists this be done with consultations with one’s bishop or pastor, but this includes the proviso that a person can leave immediately in the case of danger.  The consultation with one's pastor  will hopefully ensure that all appropriate efforts are made to heal the relationship before appealing to a civil divorce.

But the point is this; a spouse in an intolerable or dangerous marriage has recourse to leave - and to leave immediately if need be.

The Good of the Spouses: 

One might also ask: "What happens to the duties of the spouses to one another if they divorce?"

Well, her'e something to consider.  The Catechism says the following about the roles the spouses have to one another:

"The sacrament of Matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. The grace of the sacrament thus perfects the human love of the spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity, and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life." - CCC 1661

Now consider the case of a habitual, unrepentant abusive spouse.  In that person's case, the marriage has ceased to be a source of sanctification.  Quite the opposite - the marriage is now an occasion of mortal sin for the abusive spouse.

A victimized spouse who insists on staying in the marriage, and likewise refuses to take the necessary actions to stop the abuse ... is actually enabling the abusive spouse on his/her journey to hell.

Thus, it could come to be that the best way to serve both of their souls would be to separate, and for the whole church to pray for the genuine repentance of the abusive spouse.


Now What?

In any event, how would the Church regard the person after a divorce?

Let’s say we’re speaking of a hypothetical woman in this situation.  The Church would say she is a married woman who, through no fault of her own, had to cease living with her husband and break legal ties with him. 

The implication is that she should continue regarding herself as married even though the secular society regards her as a single woman.  This invites another objection:

“It wasn’t her fault!  Are you saying she has to live the rest of her life alone?”

Well, first one needs to wonder if that is a fair characterization of the single life.  The lack of a marital relationship will certainly feel like an enormous hole, but this doesn’t necessarily amount to complete loneliness.  It might mean having to re-double efforts to cultivate relationships elsewhere.

However, it is understandable for her to wish to enter into a new marriage - especially if children are involved.  This is where we get into the “annulment” process.

Here’s the basic idea of an annulment: It is possible for two people to come together in what is publicly reckoned as a marriage, but upon investigation turns out not to be.  Imagine the following:

• One spouse pronounces the marital vows with no intention to actually keep them. 
• One spouse is not freely offering consent, but is being forced in to the marriage. 
• One spouse has massively incorrect ideas about the nature and goals of marriage.

In such cases no marriage would have come into existence in the sight of God. So In an annulment, a putatively married person goes to the diocese marriage tribunal and says, “Hey, was this thing ever a real marriage?”

Then there will be an investigation.  The marriage tribunal will be looking for some defect which was present on the day of the wedding that would have prevented a valid marriage from coming into existence. 

If a decree of nullity is issued, the Church is saying there was never a valid marriage to begin with.  Now the woman can regard herself as single.  And, in fact, as never having been married in the eyes of God to begin with.

In other words, on a certain level it would be incorrect for her to refer to her “first marriage” or her “ex-husband”.  According to the Church they were nothing of the sort.


A Legitimate Question:

Which, in turn gives rise to one last objection:

“If I was never married, then my children were born out of wedlock, and are illegitimate!  I can’t do that to them!”

This is a false inference.  The children are not considered “illegitimate”.  Regarding the legitimacy of children, the Code of Canon Law states:

“The children conceived or born of a valid or putative marriage are legitimate.” - CCL 1137 

And what is a “putative marriage”?  The Code of Canon Law says:

“An invalid marriage is called putative if at least one party celebrated it in good faith, until both parties become certain of its nullity.” - CCL 1061.3 

Thus, as long as the annulled union was entered into in good faith by either spouse, and presumed valid by either spouse when the children were conceived, the children born in that union are considered “legitimate”.  So the answer is no, the children born in annulled unions are not “illegitimate”.