I'm a member of an ecumenical men's group. Every now and again one of the men sends out a text message with a prayer to encourage us. I like to respond with a silly benediction of my own. Namely, I like to invent benedictions based on the silly animal stories in the Bible.
Today I'd like to share four which I've come up with. So let's get a mooooooove on.
The Mooing Cows:
The book of Samuel records how the Ark of the Covenant was lost in a battle against the Philistines. After they suffer a series of calamaties involving the Ark, they decide to send it back. They load it up onto a cart pulled by two female cows. Then the following happens:
"The cows went straight in the direction of Beth-shemesh along one highway, lowing as they went; they turned neither to the right nor to the left, and the lords of the Philistines went after them as far as the border of Beth-shemesh." - 1Sam 6:11-12
So the first benediction is:
"Let us remember and imitate the virtues of the cows which pullet the Ark back to Israel. May we also travel straight to our heavenly promised land. Let us not be distracted; neither straying to the left or right. And let others hear our joyful mooing as we go."
The Talking Donkey:
The book of Numbers records the arrival of the Hebrews into the promised land. The King of Moab, Balak, is alarmed at their imminent arrival and asks the prophet Balaam to come curse the Hebrews.
As he leaves, Balaam is confronted by an angel, but at first only his donkey sees him. After refusing to budge forward, the donkey.... reprimands Balam and warns him about the angel.
"Then the angel of the Lord moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, 'What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?'” - Numbers 22:26-28
The second benediction is thus:
Let us immitate the virtues of Balaam's donkey. Though we too are asses, let us rightly percieve the heavenly realities around us. And let us share what we know with others.
The Striped Sheep:
The book of Genesis tells us the tale of Jacob's servitude to his uncle Laban. As the term of his service was ending, Jacob bargained to take all the striped and speckled sheep in Laban's herd as a wage. Laban agreed. Then God performed a minor miracle in which only the striped sheep mated that season. The text reads:
"The flocks bred in front of the rods, and so the flocks produced young that were striped, speckled, and spotted. Jacob separated the lambs and set the faces of the flocks toward the striped and the completely black animals in the flock of Laban, and he put his own droves apart and did not put them with Laban’s flock." - Genesis 30:39-40
Which leads us to our third benediction:
"Let us imitate the stripe sheep which Jacob received. Let us visibly belong to God's people."
The She-Bears:
The final one comes from 2nd Kings. That book tells us the story of the prophet Elisha being confronted by a group of 42 young men. They mock the prophet and are subsequently mauled by two bears. Here's the story:
"From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Get out of here, baldy!' they said. 'Get out of here, baldy!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys." - 2Kings 2:23-24
So our last benediction shall be:
"Let us remember the virtue of the two she-bears from the second book of Kings. Let us likewise defend the honor of God, even when we are outnumbered. Let us tear apart every claim which is contrary to God's word."
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